Observations on Meatheadedness

From a night spent in Evanston*:

• Corner of Chicago & Dempster, 6 pm: If you get out of a Hummer, and spit, you're a super-meathead.
  
• Kafein, 12 am: It doesn't matter if you have an accent; a meathead in any language is still a meathead.
  

* Hector spends a lot of time in South Evanston, where the meathead quotient seems exponentially lower (though the yuppie quotient corresponding higher).

'90s Flashback Friday

Hector is visiting his parents.

Seester (who is in Taiwan): hiii
are they home?

Hector: dad is home, but mom is awol
i'm bungry!

Seester: she's probably buying food for you
you're like a gigapet
you just sit around and demand food and poop on occasion

Sweatcapris!

Subtitled: A Reminder That Sometimes, Life Ain't Really So Hard

Hector's Seester: should i wear my sweatcapris to school today?

Hector: hahahaha
AWESOME
yes
because you CAN

Seester: ok

In My Defense, I'm Annoying on Purpose

Robin J: If you got a Facebook account, we could be in a Facebook relationship.

Hector: If I got a Facebook account, you would have to wonder how well you really know me.

Robin J: True. If your stubbornness did not always prevail, then who would you be?

Rox: If Hector got a Facebook account, there would be so much random nonsense posted on my wall. Don't encourage him, Robin.

---

If I had a Facebook account, Rox, there would currently be fuzzy cell phone shots on your wall of the Chile y Limon Cheetos and Diablo Doritos I impulse-bought in the self-checkout at Gangsta Jewel last night. So touché.

All the Alcohol Content Is Belong to Me!!!

Hector went to Trader Joe's today, and for the first time maybe ever, his checkout person was not chatty. And it was refreshing. I mean, all love to the chatty ones, but do I really need to know that the chocolate-covered pretzels are sooooo good, you actually sleep in a bathtub full of them?

Also, happy birthday to Math! She's finally legal to buy liquor now.

Related, Hector finally found Bourbon County Stout at Binny's. Not for shotgunning, at $24.83 for 4 (besides, you can't shotgun beer in a bottle, silly), but half the price you'd pay at a bar—and it's like whiskey and chocolate made sweet, sweet love. In a tree.

Text Romance

Robin J: I love you!

Hector: I love you, too—with all of my butt!

Robin J: Your butt is kinda small. Should I worry?

What Dinkel's Doesn't Tell You

After his appointment with the best dentist ever today (Don't grind your teeth, kids; onlays are expensive!), Hector went to Dinkel's for a cupcake. (Stop judging; he had fractures, not cavities. Besides, Dr. Emery's reception desk currently bids you farewell with a mini-tower of Ferrero Rocher.)

"We have banana, maple, [some boring flavors I can't remember], and Elmo."

"Elmo? Can I see? ... One maple and one Elmo, please."

But caveat emptor: Elmo will turn your teeth into a roadkill-for-dinner shade of pink.



(Hector was not responsible for this. *cough* robinj *cough*.)

P.S. I know that images are blowing out my columns. But it's currently more important that I finish my Theraflu and go to bed.